I’ve counted red admirals, buckeyes and painted lady butterflies, but my focus is on the big ones. The maturity of the garden, the tall milkweed to the side of the house (some of which has eaten leaves, a sign of monarch caterpillars!) and the general quantity of natural landscaping must be attracting these numbers. It helps that neighbors are also growing more flowers. I give seeds and plants out often, continuing to curate the gardens and woods. There’s been a pesky buck around evenings, but they’re doing some work on the street, the noise and smells will probably send him elsewhere.
A couple of days ago, I thought I had a personal failure, after I helped neighbors stage an intervention for their youngest son, who is a drug addict, and he didn’t agree to go to the place we found for him to go for withdrawal. I just heard from his brother this morning that he’s there now, though. We’re all praying. He’s genuinely a sensitive soul, and I hope this is truly a new leaf. That was quite a day–the first half tromping through my woods to talk to him (they’re my backyard neighbors) and then clicking on the link to the interview with Stephanie Winn, of Some Kind of Therapist substack and YouTube channel.
Now, the banning of the woman who went out of her way to defame me, to ask her viewers to contact my ex-husband and sons, and her indoctrination into Orthodox Jewish mantras on “who is a Jew.” (a small section of the Lubavitch and Orthodox sects never respect the converts from other rabbis.)
All YouTube content makers are made aware that they will be blocked if they engage in actionable behavior towards named individuals, the actionable behavior being defamation and invasion of privacy. Just because you are a woman, and have experienced the disrespect, groping, bullying and dismissiveness of society towards women does not give you the right at any time, or at all times, to engage in behavior for which you could be sued, and for which YouTube could be held legally liable. For the same reasons, my publisher required that I write under Ute Heggen, my pen name. This is how civil society works. I was then accused of going on Gettr and “riling up the anti-Semites.” I’ve never been on Gettr, and I am enough Jewish for the anti-Semites to come for me, too. A Holocaust survivor told me that the SS came back to round up us wives, he witnessed it. A story about Jonas, never before told, is in my memoir.
This YouTuber developed the habit of repeatedly defaming individuals, invading privacy and banging her drums on many, many individuals for over a year. When a group of three women of Genspect, who think they’re men, came in for trashing week after week, I tried to persuade her that her viewers are ready for more information, the kind I give here. I passed off the links to the Stephen B. Levine study, which I’d just found (“Reconsidering Informed Consent”).
To no avail. I pulled out of the Sisters for Sisters event in my home town, Madison, Wisconsin, because a veteran of the Israeli IDF in southern Wisconsin was making crank calls and writing threatening emails to me, also calling for my sons to be involved. This is not a feminist manner of behaving, calling on the male members of a woman’s family to, as the now suspended YouTuber promoted, “get Ute to a locked ward.”
My concerns about my own safety vis a vis the revelation of my sons’ and my identities, locations and other identifying information, in terms of what trans allies do to women like me, was then conflated into racism. I do not live in a white neighborhood. I stand out here. The more than $2,000 I gave to the YouTuber was disrespected, never returned.
Louise Perry wrote a new book about sex differences, and one of the noted aspects of the way women tend to communicate had to do with documentation that women are verbally cruel and hold grudges forever, whereas men get in a fight, forgive and forget. I haven’t read the book, but I do see something in this, based on my experiences last spring, as well as in the classroom as a Kindergarten teacher. Women and girls have the capacity to absorb more language, faster, than men. That is documented securely, as far as I’m concerned. Knowing that (learned in an early childhood education workshop) has helped my relationships with the loves in my life, and I’m glad I can apply it with my beloved Claes, the pianist creating the soundtrack of my life.
I expect to get attention again, based on the ire of the suspended YouTuber. Your comments, you and your subscribers, who vilify me whenever possible, still, will not be appearing. Find better things to do. Look up Finasteride, a very dangerous drug given to girls who want it with testosterone and look up the data on men who take estrogen getting higher rates of multiple sclerosis. The data is what will prevail.
I now subscribe (you have to pay) to Colin Wright’s substack, Reality’s Last Stand. Many there like and reply to my comments, are interested in the memoir and come over here. Colin Wright has “liked” and commented. We’re now at over 31,000 views by over 6,000 individuals from more than 64 countries around the globe. I do not profit from this, and I will not profit from the sales of my book.
In the Curated Woods, True Tales of a Grass Widow (iuniverse, 2022) will peak people. Just learning what’s going on with drug cocktails for mixed up youth, unicorns that are supposed to help too young children learn sexuality and closest to my heart, what happens to women whose husbands decide to have a secret cross-sex life, will become the reality check this country requires.
I wish butterflies in your life today. Notice life’s collateral beauty. ooxoo, Ute
UteHeggen~GrassWidow 
We have the right to defend ourselves from abuse, and no responsibility to suffer abuse from women because they’re women. That’s dysfunctional behavior.
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I appreciate this, Estelle, and agree. It’s vexing when the harassment involved the contact of my male relatives–defamation of me, their mother, directly. I let one of the three involved know that indeed, the suspension could be directly resulting from identifying themselves to Neddy and my sons, especially considering all 5, (my sons, their wives, Neddy) all work in relatively high level tech and likely have collegial YouTube connections.
Women often have difficulty throwing off the yoke of historic male dominance, proven in the instance when male dominance is invoked to punish me. All three of these YouTube creators should be considering whether they risked cancellation of their own channels in their malicious cyberbullying. Neddy probably has the capacity to get all of them completely cancelled, based on the actionable acts of harassment, invasion of privacy and alienation of affection. I’ll never know, but the puzzle pieces fit.
The most unfortunate part of it for the real women’s rights advocates amongst us, is that our time, better spent researching dangerous drug interactions involving estradiol, finasteride, delaudid, xanax, klonopin, testosterone, wellbuttrin and other pills commonly and gratuitously prescribed to patients presenting cross-sex ideation, young and old. The drug interactions between any 3 of this incomplete list of drugs remains obscured for young, confused teen girls and boys on the “affirmation track.”
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